


Pearl's Confession

by Moonshine210



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Crystal Gem Spinel Au, F/F, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Mama Spinel, One Shot, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonshine210/pseuds/Moonshine210
Summary: From a servant to a veteran, Pearl shares her deepest thoughts about her history with Spinel.
Relationships: Pearl/Spinel (Steven Universe)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Pearl's Confession

_The worst regret any creature could feel would be the fact they've hurt someone they loved, but never saw how much it did until it was too late._

_And I felt it._

_Even now, after we finally have each-other until the end of time, I have faint memories of our times in Homeworld. I had only appreciated Spinel's antics and being right by my side to make our Diamond happy. Even if her efforts were in vain and mine... changed our lives._

_During that time before Earth, I had only considered her a... how should I put it... a companion. She was as much of a servant as I was. But she was mainly created to bring joy to her owner, even though she had been considered the only Spinel of her kind. When we were alone, she sometimes would make jokes to me to pass the time._

_That all changed when I convinced Pink to disguise herself as a Rose Quartz and went down to Earth for a visit. Something about finally making her happy made me feel like I was important to her. Even... more important than Spinel._

_For a short time during the beginning of the rebellion, I internally struggled between Rose and Spinel, but I decided Rose was my top priority. I did everything to sacrifice myself for her from then on. I barely talked to Spinel anymore, but back then, I didn't care._

_When the day came when Pink realized the Diamonds won't stop, she came up with the plan to fake her shattering in front of her entourage. Of course, I wanted to do it, but Spinel was very opposing to the idea until Rose reassured her that life was going to get better without the threat of the Diamonds._

_Thinking back on it now, I should've cared for Spinel too. I should've done more caring for her as I did for Rose._

_After the disaster that was the Corruption Light, we set out to find the corrupted Gems and find a way to heal them. Still, I looked to Rose and loved her with all my being._

_Spinel and I hardly interacted during the thousands of years on Earth, only for important discussions or if she and I were the only ones back at the Temple. We... interacted even less when we met Amethyst. She finally had someone to play with. I felt like I didn't have time to 'play' with her anymore, and chose to be with Rose or Garnet more._

_When Greg came along, everything got worse, but I never noticed it was devastating for her._

_By then, I completely dismissed Spinel's feelings towards me and I only cared about showing Greg how Rose and I had the better relationship. I didn't even notice how distant Spinel had gotten, and dismissed Garnet and Amethyst's complaints about her._

_This all changed months after Rose gave up her form and gave her gem up for Steven._

_That night, while I still didn't feel anything towards Spinel other than her companionship, we both grieved for her death together the whole night. I'll never forget that night. Never._

_During the few months, Spinel never wanted to visit Steven, refusing to listen to any of us. Until one day, I was able to convince her to drop off the gifts. I kept trying to reassure her, but she didn't look at me. I know exactly what she was thinking about._

_It wasn't until she met Steven for the first time, was when her whole personality changed on a whim. Only in the matter of seconds, Spinel went from a hollow shell that was nothing like her original self, to a loving, overprotective parent to a human child that wasn't even her own. I was astounded._

_What struck me even more, was that Spinel became solely focused on Steven during the first few years of his life. She hardly let us help, Greg being the one to be there. She lashed out at us even more, refusing to join us on missions unless it was dire. Most of all, Spinel and I fought even more and grew distant from each-other. Back then, I was just mad she was all focused on Rose's son than what's really important._

_That's... when it all hit me._

_I was feeling what she felt._

_I spent the next few years agonizing over the fact I hurt Spinel in more ways than one. Yet, I could never find the right time to say I was sorry. I was too scared. What if she rejected me? What if I hurt her ever more? I was worried she'd never forgive me for breaking her heart. All I could do was let her be happy with playing and taking care of Steven. It was the least I could do._

_Time passed on, Steven was able to move around without Spinel hovering over him, most of the time. She had finally started talking to us again after years of short talk. It was almost like everything was back to normal. Almost. Without Rose, we were still tasked to find other corrupted Gems, protect humanity, and go on missions._

_Yet, I felt like I was worried I would never love Spinel again. I was still scared about what would happen in the future._

_However, those feelings returned when Spinel and I fused into Peach Moonstone for the first time in centuries. I had felt... complete again with Spinel, fighting against Sugilite as one. Like her smile of pride when we succeeded, I felt like it was my own. I shared her joy._

_My fears began to fade, my feelings towards her starting to blossom, though I kept it all inside, wanting to tell her at one point when she felt perfectly comfortable around me again. It actually intensified when even after lashing out at my fellow Gems, Spinel took me to the Battlefield for us to talk alone. I was already aware she was uncomfortable being in that place, and with that realization, I felt the strong bond between us get even stronger._

_Things did get rough again when I did manipulated Garnet into fusing into Sardonyx. I got worried about her when she disappeared for 2 days and a half. I was horrified and felt incredible shame when Spinel told me she found out. I had questioned her why she did it, and her answer had stunned me. She did want to tell Garnet, but couldn't as she still cared about me and never wanted to start any more drama._

_We got over it rather quickly, but sadly, jealousy returned when Spinel made friends with Peridot and Lapis, spending time with them and Steven, going back to barely going on missions with us. By this time, I was... uh... getting rather desperate._

_I just wanted her back again. I wanted someone to love again like she had with me. It sounds wrong, believe me, I don't blame you for thinking that, but I was a Gem made to serve my master, so I had incredible loyalty to the one who I was close with. It had gone to Rose, but now, it's gone to Spinel._

_Even now, I shudder at my past behavior when I forced Spinel to go on a journey with me to find that Corrupted Helenite. Spinel had gotten suspicious and questioned me. I told her everything, being honest with my words. Spinel told me that if I give her time, she'll think about it._

_And... because I wanted to love her again, I let her._

_I gave her several months, although, it was only after Spinel and Greg got kidnapped by Blue Diamond and returned, was when I wanted to console her and make her happy again by taking her out for a picnic that night. I too wanted to challenge myself by 'consuming' human food, similar when Spinel took me to the Battlefield._

_Then... I made my move._

_I know we aren't human, but a kiss we had, made me feel like one. It must've been what Rose and Greg felt._

_And, I rejoiced inside as Spinel accepted my question if we could be an item, to put it in a 'formal term'. I finally felt like the universe was giving me a chance to redeem myself, pouring all the love I had shoved aside for years to Spinel whenever I could._

_But... came the day when Spinel did something I wasn't able to do; tell the truth of Pink Diamond's fate. All to save Steven's life. Of course, I was petrified for her, knowing she could be shattered for holding this lie, but I also knew she was saving all of us as well. During their time on Homeworld, I had to tell the story to the other Gems all by myself. I was to heartbroken, thinking Spinel was dead and gone at this point. But nothing could compare to the amount of relief I felt when Spinel and Steven returned, still shaken from their stay._

_As for everything else that happened while the Diamonds returned, all I was worried about was Steven surviving on his own, along with Spinel and the other Crystal Gems. I was somewhat aware what was happening, but it was all a blur until the moment we were freed._

_From then on, after Steven saved the whole galaxy, Spinel and I knew were no longer in danger and could be together peacefully._

_As I am close to ending my confession, I must confirm I did despise Apache for what she did to us, but she never deserved to be shattered. I can only pray the Diamonds find a way to bring her and the other shattered Gems back to life and we could leave the past behind and look forward to the future._

_Thank you for listening._


End file.
